#also have been having a gender identity crisis again but i think its just. that me vs the world feeling y'know

[eff-plays]

What are your thoughts on some of the wording that is used to describe Taash's gender dysphoria in Veilguard?

Anytime their gender identity crisis is discussed, it's always called "non-binary stuff." There is also one character in the wetlands who is non-binary and they say that another character helped them with their "non-binary" stuff.

Surely, the terms gender dysphoria, gender identity crisis, or even just saying "helped me figure out that I was non-binary" would have been better writing.

It feels like they didn't have faith in people to understand other terms or context clues.

Please note that this ask is not meant to be in bad faith and there is no pressure to answer.

I am generally curious if this is an example of bad writing or if non-binary stuff is the correct term over gender dysphoria or gender identity crisis in this context.

I think it all goes back to just using "non-binary" in the game itself. And while I get how some enbies think it's important to use our language to describe us in fiction, and that's a justified opinion to hold, I'm going to disagree. Games with heavy and extensive lore and actual conlangs shouldn't just fall back on hyperspecific modern terms when we all know they're capable of delivering the same message in a way that doesn't lean on the fourth wall or break immersion. Krem, for all the clunkiness that surrounded him, got a whole in-universe explanation for how he fit into the Qun.

Now, to be clear, I'm not saying I value immersion over representation, or that nonbinary people are immersion-breaking. That's an insane opinion to hold. It's just that I, personally, feel more out-of-place and alienated when a fictional world's attempts at including me uses modern terminology. It doesn't tell me that I belong in that world and there is space for me in it, but that there isn't. This vast world, which has fantastical locations and magic and Blighted old gods and dragons, which has room for all of those things, but doesn't have room for language and identities unique to it that might reflect mine? It has to use language that doesn't belong there to explain people that supposedly do? Do you get my issue here? There is an inherent contradiction in this approach.

By not bothering to integrate nonbinary people into Thedas, by falling back on and insisting on modern terminology, BioWare isn't telling me "you're valid, you belong" it's telling me "your presence is so incongruous with our world that we couldn't do anything but use existing terminology to describe you." In their attempt to be inclusive, they just didn't bother to actually integrate nonbinary identities into its world. Then they keep highlighting their own failure by pointing at my identity and telling everyone in their world how valid it is. Imagine you're just existing in a crowd and some motherfucker points you out and goes "YOU. YOU'RE VALID! EVERYBODY LOOK AT HOW VALID THEY ARE!" That's what's bothering me the most. It makes me feel like a freak, not like I belong. And maybe that's a me problem, but given the responses I've seen to my Taash posts, I don't think it is.

Anyway, sorry for that tangent. I don't think gender dysphoria or gender identity crisis would've been better writing, personally. I was pretty confused for why this random NPC told me about their gender identity at all, to be frank. Especially when they, in the first conversation, gave us their pronouns in a very naturalistic way, and Rook + the companions repeated those pronouns later. Like, for me? That, combined with Flynn's very androgynous appearance, was enough to clue me in to who they were. We only have two interactions with this person (AFAIK, if they show up again then I haven't gotten to that point in the game yet), there really doesn't need to be a spot where they clarify their highly personal discovery of their gender identity.

However, if you're very desperate to include this as explicitly as BioWare intends, I have a solution: have them only mention the "non-binary stuff" to a trans and/or nonbinary Rook. My Rook is nonbinary and people know this about them, and since Rook is becoming well-known, people will know their pronouns and identity. So, have Flynn be like "Yeah, my mentor helped me figure myself out. You know how hard it can be to do on your own, Rook." Ya know? Suddenly, you get what they're talking about without having them to be like "ah yes, have I mentioned I am non-binary today?"

I get wanting to make things explicit, but it happens at the cost of believability and actually representing how enbies exist as people. I don't talk to friendly strangers like "I had a hard time figuring out I'm nonbinary, but I got there in the end!" Most of my classmates only know I'm nonbinary because it says so on my Discord profile, and the same goes for the ones I know are nonbinary. Most of it is just clocking each other across the room or hearing other people use our chosen pronouns.

As for Taash's dysphoria ... That's another long-ass can of worms type post that I might make once I'm finished with the game and have a complete image of their storyline. But rest assured, I have plenty of thoughts on that, as well.

[mychemikuromance]

Ruh roh..

[misanthropic-phobic]

SOMEONE HELP ☹️

Whats my gender??? Does it matter??

I'm a bit nervous to think too hard about it because my mom has always told me it doesn't matter and "my generation" always makes a big deal about it and worries too much about labels, so I'm doubting if it's even something I should put a title on or worry about it.

Like yeah it's my identity but what if it changes again and all this overthinking was for nothing? I feel so overwhelmed by it and I feel like it shouldn't matter because it's not the biggest problem in the world. But it's my problem and makes me worry and anxious so I should worry after all???

Anyways,, my current crisis is uhm. Idk if I'm truly genderfluid or not. It's the label that I stuck on because I think it fits me but idk it does.

Because, yeah, I feel fluid sometimes but most of the time I'm not. It's like, i always have Masculine undertones no matter what I feel like. Like yeah, I'll feel comfortable being a girl sometimes but it's mostly just the presentation, not the feeling or anything. It's like I'm looking at myself through third person whenever I feel feminine, because deep inside I know its not me but I like to invision myself that way, like it's something I want but I don't want to feel.

But I've always felt so comfortable being masc/male for years now. It's never been something I hated or felt uncomfortable with. I always felt so much joy and giddy when someone used he/him on me or prefered to me as a boy.

But sometimes I also feel like nothing at all or like I'm in limbo between masc and something else entirely. It's not exactly non binary or agender, just, it's nothing at all. I'm just existing and I don't feel much like I'm anything or need a label.

So, in conclusion, I guess I like the idea of me being femme but I don't want to be a girl/present as one (gender and pronouns wise. I'll never hate wearing stuff like dresses lol)

I have Masculine undertones I suppose and always felt like a male the majority of the time, but other times I just don't feel like being male or having to label it at all.

So?? Am I a demi boy or trans male? Or?? Idk man 😞

I just dunno where to look to find something that fits because I need to put my gender in a box to keep my head cool, personally that's just how my brain works and it gets chaotic if I don't have a clear answer

[foreststarflaime]

Was watching Mulan but everything I think about these days turns into ff7 so here we go

✨Mulan AU✨ with the crisis core crew

Gen small town “girl” with famous rich parents

Has bestie Angeal but otherwise hates his life

Fails utterly with matchmaker. Will not shut up about Loveless thinking it will improve his chances, accidentally burns house down (or maybe not by accident)

Reflection moment

Meanwhile Shinra pushing harder into wutai territory, calls for conscription come to Banora

Angeal is going, gen feels desperately left out

Begs to go instead of his father, yelled at and shamed in front of village

Constantly being told he’s a dishonor by everyone as a child has given him massive inferiority complex, doesn’t help that angeal is so into honor (not that he says that to gen tho)

Sneaks off in the middle of the night for war, def doesn’t tell angeal

Ancestors send zack the puppy after him, cloud the lucky chocobo is the horse and cricket combined?

Angeal sniffs him out pretty quick after he joins the camp, chews him out in lecture about honor

Gen very upset with him about that, uh oh they’re beefing

Angeal still doesn’t rat him out and keeps an eye out for him even if they’re not talking tho

Hojo comes to tell his “son” sephiroth that he’d better not disappoint him with the trust they’re putting in him to let him lead this group of soldiers after the last glencident (rhadore o7)

Rufus left in charge to supervise sephiroth (or maybe a turk? Just think the animosity between those two fits the shang and scribe dynamic)

Training montage. Gen has gender crisis realizing this is him actually, while also having crisis over his new massive crush on sephiroth

After training montage angeal apologizes and they are besties again until angeal laughs at him for his crush on seph and genesis is now in a huff

Zack and cloud overhear seph and rufus fighting about the quality of the troops

Gen tries to reassure seph as he storms away from rufus

Zack and cloud forge orders to the front to give to rufus

Girl worth fighting for is seph having a sexuality crisis over genesis, maybe also angeal

Seph’s thoughts: oh god is that somehting i was supposed to want??? Its never happened before,,,,, and now that maybe it is it’s not with a girl? Shit

Angeal can also have a crisis over oh shit gen I’ve loved you since forever and I thought I was gonna get to marry you but you’re not a girl ig so wtf do I do now

They come across a burned village in wutai that shinra’s armies have already swept through

Seph starts questioning his allegiance to shinra

Instead of finding hojo dead bc we’re not that lucky maybe he finds glen dead having joined the resistance against shinra. Maybe rufus shot him right before he could get to him

Ambush by angry vengeful wutaians, gen saves the day with strategic forest fire to give them a chance to escape without doing too much slaughtering but gets injured in the process

I would put avalanche here as a funny reference but idk how id fit them in

Uh oh gen is not amab

Transphobic rufus, seph is just even more confused in his identity crisis now and also has spent his entire life being conditioned against this sort of thing hes not really that upset

Angeal left behind with genesis bc he knew and didn’t turn him in

Rest of the army takes the fort they were supposed to take and goes back towards midgar

Gen is big sad, angeal gives rousing acceptance speech

Gen, inspired, decided that Genesis Rhapsodos does what Genesis Rhapsodos wants and goes after them to give them a piece of his mind and inform them that gender norms are bullshit and what stops him from being a man really they all seemed pretty convinced before

Gen and ange run to catch up to the army having a victory parade in junon

On the way back they run into a group of wutaian ninjas sneaking up on the city

Seph, who has just been chewed out by hojo and is having a bit of a panic attack internally, doesn’t listen to gen

Big showy ceremonial thing with sephiroth and pres shinra, wutaians show up to crash the party and kidnap shinra, seph still reeling from hojo and genesis and everything is off his game a little and isn’t able to stop them

Gen and angeal show up while seph is about to go after them, comes up with plan to crossdress to get inside

Perhaps seph has an oh shit gender moment of his own here

The others deal with the guards while seph goes on ahead after the president

He busts open the doors to the throne room where he finds shinra just chilling with the wutaians??? Turns out he hired paid actors (mercenaries) to attack the parade to fuel propaganda against wutai

Since wutai is known to use monsters to combat soldier he has no qualms about getting hojo to set a giant monster on ags bc they’ve seen too much

One cathartic hojo murder and climactic rooftop battle later and shinra’s evil plans get revealed to the public

Maybe kunsel leaks the receipts or something or shinra monologues evilly for a hidden camera held by zack or both

Shinra definitely at least gets deposed if not outright assassinated

Rufus tries to step up as emperor but the crowd is not having it. They are chanting for the great hero sephiroth instead

Sephiroth deflects the praise onto Genesis who actually wants it and preens under the attention, angeal is just proud of his besties

When gen and angeal return home gen finally gets to fulfill his dream of sharing an apple with sephiroth yayy

If anyone wants to do anything with this go right ahead, just lmk, I would 99999% read this fic but I do not have time to write it rn and I am not an artist

[radlymona]

(Don't post off anon) Your fandom artist reblog reminded me... I admit to being a loser & joining lots of fic exchanges and other fan creation event Discords lately, and I do NOT know how you can brush up against these spaces and not face the glaring reality that kids are picking up trans identities like emo fashion or sparkledog OCs. There are always places to pick your "pronoun role" and they're ALWAYS 50-60+% they/neopronouns. And as for the huge selection of "he"s? Sorry not to stereotype but I highly doubt a cis guy in his 20s is joining hyper fandom events to write slash fanfiction.

(Oh and also they all love to make characters trans and rape fic is progressive praxis. Of course. I feel like reading/writing porn of trans characters is its own fetish, but since they're armed with 'he/they' pronouns, it can masquerade as representation.)

(Ctd):

I completely get what you mean here and I wanted to expand about something related to this widespread gender crisis for teen girls.

While I don't want to oversimplify why there's been such a massive increase in female teens adopting trans identities, I think part of it is that it's essentially a substitute for being a part of subculture. Today's nonbinary xie/xir is yesterday's scene kid, is last week's goth kid.

The way that coming out of trans seems to spread rapidly within friend groups (I personally witnessed a version of the ROTG effect while in high school with former friends), feels like how one person would come out as goth (usually the 'leader' of the group) and then rapidly the rest of the friend group would come out as such so they wouldn't be left out of the group. It goes back to what you were saying about wanting to fit in. This isn't to say that everyone stops being goth after school/uni, but obviously let's be real - most do.

Moreover, the new names trans teenagers adopt often sound like the silly nicknames teens would use with each other in these subcultures like "blood" and "raven". I've lost the post but there was a trans activism insta page with a list of trans teens protesting the ban on puberty blockers in the uk. The list included names like "coven", which again sounds like something a 14 year old would go by in 2007 chat room. The difference is that 14 year olds now believe it's a legitimate name because of the online TRA slop they've been ingesting. It affects interests too, "Gender" was an interest a former friend of mine suddenly had, replacing all her other hobbies like writing and other creative endeavours. And I think this is reinforced by the isolation of the online spaces you've discussed above.

But the difference between becoming trans and becoming goth/scene etc. is that the former involves way more life changes, especially if you've medically transitioned. This of course promotes the sunken cost fallacy, because it's a lot more embarassing to change back to she/her pronouns after forcing your family to call you he/they for four years. A photo with a bad scene hairstyle is something you cringe at in your 20s, and laugh about in your 30s+. It's a lot harder to laugh about the time you thought you were a boy or a special genderless being.

And I have to wonder if this mass gender crisis would be as widespread if teens still had proper irl subcultures, not just online spaces to interact with other strangers who reinforce their delusions rather than naturally growing out of phases. Figuring out your identity and rebelling against social norms as an awkward teenager by adopting a dramatic fashion sense is a perfectly normal thing to go through. A 14 year old girl genuinely believing that she's a boy named Kai who needs to go on puberty blocks and cut off her breasts otherwise she'll kill herself is not.

[canmom]

Animation Night 159: Armitage III

Good evening animation devotees! It is once again Sunday, the day of animation.

Apologies for the late start this evening. It’s been tricky to run everything while I’m in Glasgow, but on the other hand, tonight’s subject comes at the suggestion of my wonderful host. Since it’s so late, no lengthy intro today... by my standards, anyway x3

So, 1995 was a big year in anime. Ghost in the Shell happened. The story behind it is fascinating and I barely told any of it back on AN39. Production I.G. had recently come into existence, the synthesis of anime studio I.G. Tatsunoko  and the Headgear collective, which had come together on the Patlabor movies. It managed to bring all its elements together to create a really novel synthesis of all its elements: deeply atmospheric, exceptionally animated, and with enough of the crazy autistic passion of Shirow’s manga shining through to give it a dimension missing in the drier Patlabor movies that came before. It became a reference point for just about anything even vaguely in the vicinity of cyberpunk to come...

And Evangelion happened. The impact of Anno’s unification of psychological drama, body horror, conspiracies and robots is maybe even greater. Even beyond its direct aesthetic influences, or inspiring the word moe, its sekaikei plot became a template for anime stories in all sots of genres. I wrote a bunch about Eva back on AN18, but of course there is so much more to dive into.

Tonight our subject is another cyberpunk robot story from 1995, a project of AIC - veterans of the world of OVAs. They’re behind the invention of hentai anime with Cream Lemon in 1984 (AN69), they made the iconic 80s robot ova Bubblegum Crisis, and at the start of the 1990s, they were the place where The Hakkenden experimented with the devices that would become the core of 90s animation (AN 122).

Armitage III is another cyberpunk robot-focused anime - but when we say cyberpunk it’s in the literary sense too, with overt allusion to Neuromancer. And also Lovecraft. It’s a Pinocchio-type story about the line between robots and humans, set on a Mars colony which has recently discovered the existence of ‘third type’ robots which are superficially identical to humans and gone a bit nuts about it. ‘Armitage’ refers to protagonist Naomi Armitage, one of a duo of cops who are trying to contain the chaos - but Naomi is herself one of these third type androids. There’s some rather wacky gender shit with Earth having a ‘feminist’ society motivating more men emigrate to Mars, and also robot pregnancy which is a subject rarely touched on in these sexy robot stories.

But also it’s mostly a chance to bask in that 90s anime aesthetic. Like its contemporaries, expect something dark and moody and full of fascinating designs and intricate mechanical animations. Character designs are detailed and volumetric, but there’s also an element of the spiky stylisation of e.g. Gunnm, especially as our protagonist starts to take on some upgrades.

Rather than write more, I think I’d best just hurry up and get the ball rolling while it’s still technically Sunday.

Tonight the plan is to show the four episodes of the OVA. They got compiled into a movie (Poly-Matrix) but I hear it is overly compressed and hard to follow. There’s a sequel, Dual-Matrix, but I generally hear it’s not great and since it’s so late, I’m just gonna watch the original OVA.

We’ll be going live in just a minute at twitch.tv/canmom. I’d love to see you there!!

[zerolostwalks]

For the fanfic asks! C, F, W

Heya Ash!! Thanks for the ask!!

.

C: What member do you identify with most?

Ok this question threw me off a bit so thank you again for helping clarify.

Ok so we're saying member means character which in that case, I related to Alex the most.

In large part because he has anxiety, I've got anxiety. He's got friends that don't entirely get it, I've get friends/coworkers/family who don't entirely get it. Like they try but....they don't get it even when I try to explain and that means sometimes they do more harm than they intend(just like a couple of moments from the show with Alex and the band)

Also he's going through a bit of an identity crisis which has been me for the past like decade.

F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

(This took a bit because I had to try and go back and review some of my Dialogue scenes XD)

All right so this is from the last Chapter of All I Ask sooo spoiler warning:

She glared at him, and what the hell was she getting upset over? “Did you ever talk to the girl this song is about?”

“I mean,” he was caught off guard by the question and its phrasing, uncertain what was running through Julie's mind.  He tried to not look at her but his eyes caught on hers anyway. “She and I talk all the time.” 

“But you never talked about this! You never even asked her how she felt.” Her voice started to bleed with a panicked desperation he didn’t understand.

Time for a bit of a ramble, XD. God I loved writing this fight and I WISH I could have better captured Julie's thought process in it.

Her question at the beginning of this snippet is the first time she refers to the mystery person in Reggie's song by something other than a gender neutral term.

And in all honesty it was a bit of a gambit, her trying to confirm what she's pretty sure she already knows.

In fact if Reggie wasn't so lost in his head this bit right here is where it should become very clear that Julie knows the song is referring to her. I went through a few iterations of this little bit just trying to capture that, and though I'm not sure if anyone else noticed (or if I captured that at all) I love it.

W: Do you like more general prompts, or more specific ones?

I like them both for their own reasons. More specific prompts really narrows the field down and is great for busier days where I want to write but have like no brain power. Though depending on the specificity of the prompt my creativity can feel a bit stifled with nowhere to go.

Really general prompts allows for more out of the box thinking (AUs, twists on concepts) more creative freedom. These prompts only becomes a problem in situations like I am presently in. Where it feels like all creativity has dried up and even the simplest of ideas is taking way more work than usual to come up with.

If I am sending prompts, I tend to keep them general because I don't want to sound too demanding XD.

.

FanFic Ask Game

[repost-this-image]

...And the same person has responded again. Clearly, either I am explaining something wrong, or this is a fellow queer person who doesn't understand that agreeing with homophobes on issues of sexuality and gender identity is generally a bad thing.

So let's break this down.

LGBT is not a kink. This is true. However, LGBT people having kinks is also not an evil or disgusting thing. Many people have kinks. Kink is just human inventiveness and creativity applied to sex instead of, say, sculpture.

I'm sorry that you don't understand that wearing a leather harness in public is NOT THE SAME THING as having actual, literal SEX in public. But it's not. You know what you tell a kid who asks about that man wearing funny leather stuff? "Some grownups like to dress up funny sometimes." Crisis averted. You don't even have to mention the sexual aspect.

Being LGBT is, literally, a failure/refusal to conform to a world that says that everybody MUST BE cis, heterosexual, and allosexual. That is what we do not conform to. You are bisexual. That means that, like it or not, you do not conform to the idea that everybody must be allocishet. As long as society continues to be cisheteronormative, we are not conforming. Because that is what society wants us to conform TO. You don't have to see yourself as some kind of rebel to recognize that you don't fit into the allocishet mold.

Let me repeat myself again. To our enemies, you and I and "respectable" queer folks like Pete Butigieg, are exactly as much "disgusting, degenerate horndogs," and in exactly the same ways, as the people who go to Pride in leather gear or full drag. To them, a man walking down the street, perfectly normally, and holding hands with another man, is a sexual act. When you say "Don't do anything sexual at Pride, think of the children," the homophobes are assuming that you mean that gay people existing in public is bad and sexual and should not happen, because that is how they see us. Nobody is fucking in broad daylight. Nobody. If you see people actually fucking or showing off their genitals while they are at Pride, let me know because I have never seen or heard of that happening. I would be deeply angry if it did happen, because Pride is also not about having sex in front of people.

The first Pride in 1970 (the first anniversary of Stonewall) was not a fun family event. It was a literal riot against police brutality and laws against our existence. Until the 90s or so, Pride was always a riot. People do not bring small children to riots. Some Pride events may be family-friendly, but children are not the target audience of Pride. It is generally expected that if you're under 18 and at Pride, then you are old enough to have learned our history and the ways in which our history is bound up with the history of kink. It is assumed that if you are at Pride, you are mature enough to understand that even though kinky people like to wear leather during sex, and these people are also wearing leather at Pride, that they are not having sex at Pride. Again, please learn our history because you are embarrassing yourself.

In fact, here you go. Here are links to educate yourself, person whose username I am hiding for your safety. Because you seem to live in some fantasy world where nobody is homophobic or transphobic, and I assure you, an entire political party in the US is working very hard to try to make us illegal again. Pick one and get reading.

This one is a paid course, but looks to be well worth it if you can afford it:

And lastly, a current example of why this shit matters:

…And @renthony said it better than I did.

I just want to say it again for the teens out there:

The “groomer” rhetoric is not new.

I remember when all LGBT people were generally considered to be pedophiles. By most other people. I was y’all’s age.

When my parents were teens, two men holding hands in public could be arrested just for that, because it was “lewd and lascivious behavior.” Having gay sex was a crime. Dressing as the “wrong” gender was a crime. These things were considered pornographic by nature.

Leather and kink were featured in the first Prides, to flout society’s rules. To say, we’re here, we’re queer, and you cannot destroy us.

Again, until I was about 10 years old, there were still sodomy laws on the books in the United States.

And when I was a teenager, when Matthew Shepard was murdered (look it up, but be warned, it is gruesome), most adults still believed that gay men were pedophiles by nature.

The far right doesn’t just hate us. They want to go back to the days when children did not know about us, when adults could go for years without knowingly encountering a queer person.

They want every last one of us dead or in prison. Every single LGBT person in existence. Because to them, saying “some kids have two mommies or two daddies” is pornography. To them, saying “I’m not the gender I was assigned at birth” is pornography. You may as well be giving them a play-by-play of How To Have Anal Sex With Another Dude.

So when you act like the leather pride flag “isn’t a real pride flag,” when you say “no kink at Pride,” you are telling the far-right: “You were right. We are a bunch of filthy degenerate horndogs who shouldn’t exist in front of children.” You are playing directly into their hands.

Fuck that. I don’t need other queer folks doing our oppressors’ work for us.

If you are not for the LGBT community, warts and all, “freaks” and all, then you are against us.

[realmflora]

CHERO FATUM

"Hi, hey, hello! Don't know why you're approaching me, but if you wanna talk, we can talk."

Anon Sign Off: 🕷

General Info

Age: 13XX Birthday: December 23rd Height: 5'0 Gender + Pronouns: He/Him, Trans male Orientation: AroAce Heavenly Status(in homeworld): Celestial, Successor to Rhea Voice Claim: Shadow Milk Cookie From CRK Physical Appearance(s) (I don't have a picrew for him because I have a specific design in mind. But I can't draw. So you're stuck with pure descriptions for now.)

Human Form Eye color: Really really really dark brown Hair color/type: Black, 3A(loose curls) Skin color: chocolate brown (but with a slight paleness) Scars: One over his right eye. It starts at the bottom of his cheek and stops right above his eyebrow. Consistent Accessory: A blood red bow that holds his hair in a low ponytail. Notable things: His arms- all four of them- are prosthetic. Except they're made to also be able to hurt people with them. So, the fingers of the arms are extremely sharp. He also has four ears. They're small-ish and elf shaped. They respond to emotion (flattening when mad/scared, perking when attentive, twitching when bored/eavesdropping, etc etc)

'Light Form' Really, just take almost everything above and do a swap. Black hair becomes white hair, brown skin becomes paper-white, and eyes are darkened to pure black. The bow is, again, the only consistent accessory. Its color does not change. He also emits light when in this form. The lowest frequency he can dim it to is the frequency of a nightlight. Hands/claws will match the bright white of Chero's body when he's in this form. When he's in this form, the scar over his right eye will take the form of a large black ink splatter that covers almost all of that portion of his face.

Personality Formerly a scared and anxious child fearful of all adults, now an obnoxious and bitter boy who just makes it to the level of "teen". He isn't good at taking responsibility for things that were his fault, and often keeps secrets when no secrets need to be kept. However, under the sourness, Chero's simply a kid who seems to be constantly having an identity crisis. He isn't sure who he is anymore, only aware of the mask that's been burned onto his face with glass. Thinks butterflies are rather interesting creatures, but he isn't all too a fan of them.

[beatsboy]

7.25: what have i been told, and what have i told myself?

i have been told that i do not know how to make and have friends. early high school, when my self-esteem was at its lowest, i went on a roadtrip with my dad and brother to a swim meet in the desert. as my brother slept in the back seat, my dad decided to, yet again, give me "life advice." at the time, i took this eagerly, because i was excited that my dad even wanted to talk to me. he'd just started showing interest in me in 8th grade, the year before, and usually only cared about my college prospects (at age 13). but this time, i was (and i've remembered this line many times since this instance, but i'm just now realizing i haven't thought about what we were talking about in the first place in years or why i was having trouble) apparently talking about how i was having trouble adjusting to high school in fallbrook, having just moved to california a year earlier, and being bullied by my "friends"). [i cried every night begging my mom to move us back to maine. it made her so sad.] and my dad told me: "something, something, something, something… and that is why you'll never have long-lasting friendships." no matter how excited i was to have my dad show me emotional support, i clearly started dissociating at some point during this conversation and don't remember what he actually said before that. but when he said that, i woke up. i would never have long-lasting friendships. i told myself that too for a while. and then, you start to realize, that the worst things your parents tell you are the things they fear the most about themselves.

my mom also told me at age 17 that she should have never had kids. and, to recap, i still do not want kids, but i'm no longer sad about that. i do not mourn the lost opportunity of parenthood, no matter my genetic makeup or my gender identity. i love the ways i've supported people in my life and don't feel like i need children to fulfill that part of myself. and i'm grateful that, although it was stressful to think about at a young age, that i got that crisis out of the way early and at least don't have to worry about figuring that out. but when my mom said that, all i hear was, you are the worst mistake i ever made, even though i now know she was trying to say, i'm sorry. i think she knew that this wasn't fair. i wish she could've seen how she could have helped, in being open with me, in a way that my dad never wanted her to be, how she could have taught me through her vulnerability how to be strong without being cruel. and, because she had to keep everything to herself, she too, never formed any long-lasting friendships, and instead of entrusting close loved ones with her most vulnerable parts of herself, they leak out, burst through the cracks, in inconvenient moments, out of stress, not love, and to the wrong places, to people who have not earned it, and have not offered it. she had been hospitalized before i had, when i was alive. they told me she was having special tests done with doctors somewhere and had to stay there, but they never told me what. or what was wrong. i was scared, and i was completely in the dark. all i knew was that one morning my mom was completely still at the kitchen table, unmoving, wouldn't respond to me, couldn't speak. and then, she was gone. and when i was hospitalized, they told my brother the same exact thing. and the cycle repeats.

[google-searchhistory-official]

Alright oc lineup time,, I'm gonna ask them a question and you'll see their respknses. how we all feeling?

P:// Fuck you

Pepsi: Not really feeling anything. Just waiting.

B:// Phoenix has been torturing me for a while now ;_;

C:// Ditto to Bee.

Teron: I'm doing alright, kinda scared for what you're planning

Storm Eye: Me too. But I also want to spend more time with Etsuko* ^_^

Solaura/Deiek Maluk/Vyla: I feel like I'm gaining more info for a past I can't remember currently.

Vida: When can I be part of the story jackass?

Vera: Hopefully never you lunatic. I'm doing just fine thank you.

Coke: Forgotten -_-

Yveltal Vylakol: You have been giving me a gender identity crisis because you refuse to stay in one time period

Xerneas Nazalos: I'm never going to be used am I. HOW DARE YOU.

Frita: ...YOU FUCKING KILLED ME OFF JUST TO MAKE ONE OF YOUR SONAS STRONGER WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Naque: I'm just waiting to be given form again.

Misty: Less and less like an ant.

Ariel: Mhm! mommy's much better now!

Arceus Sarii: Wrathful

Uxie Ayro: Just goin with the flow

Giratina Chocolate: IMPATIENTLY WAITING FOR MY GRANDDAUGHTER* TO VISIT!!!

Arceus Arkael: ...

Azelf Kaja Vomei: Lost...

Mesprit LoSera-Kon: Barely hanging on... And a heart full of hate for Ayro >:(

Azelf Vomei: I'm dead... you know I am...

Mesprit Kon: As am I... justice still awaits to sink its teeth

Cobalion Kovaya: ...Old and withered, but death refuses my soul.

Giratina Lykra: So Chocolate is her name... thank you for giving me brief yet temporary life.

Khoshek: ...I need more members in this cult you have planned, you know that right?

Rya: Could go for some more fun ;3

P:// You can't just insert your sona into a list of oc's you bastard

Inter: Deal with it

Google Cat: Yeah fuck you. Just for that you will mistakenly let the new gal free bee and caleb

???: Me? B-but I don't have a backstory or personality yet. Not even a um... umm. an appearance or name. You just based me off of Peeps Pepsi and left me as just an idea...

Galia-Vek: We're forgotten all the time. But I still await a love story for myself as I walk this desert <3

Vyrin: I'm getting nervous for my sister's future

Vivi: Yes. You keep mentioning my daughter is at risk of public execution

Terra: I'll be fine! I'm sure dad will save me! ...hopefully.

Yinvyr: Hey uhh... Are ya still gonna use me? You keep using Phoenix but I feel like I'm being slowly retconned from his story

...I can't think of any more ocs atm. And I'm certainly not answering some of their questions. However if you got this far you noticed I have an unnamed oc based off of Peeps Pepsi. Give me ideas for her if ya want.

[butcharyastark]

me since i was 15: i’m definitely nonbinary, that’s me completely

also me somehow since i was 15, in the back of my mind: you’re probably a trans man tho

also also me since i was 15: stop faking you cis girl liar

[solradguy]

Since so many characters have recently been given different gender identities, I’m curious if you have any guesses as to what future characters may have new genders as well. For me, I honestly feel like Robo-Ky may be given more ambiguous pronouns if he ever appears again, and this probably won’t happen but I feel like Zappa’s own gender identity could also change. I mean, Zappa has ghosts who possess him, that’s his whole thing. Though the fact that the main ghost who possess him, S-Ko, is a woman, I feel could lead to maybe somewhat of a gender crisis? Since while Zappa himself may not be a woman, there is more or less a woman living inside his body half the time, and honestly that’s perfect material for a genderfluid Zappa.

Zappa being genderfluid could be really cool, I agree. It would be interesting if we got a character that used it/its pronouns too, but since Zappa is like multiple people in one body, maybe it's more likely he would also use they/them (like Testament) except in a plural way instead of a singular one? There isn't really any one else on the cast where, headcanons aside, I could see them mixing up their gender identities if they came back though... But Baiken, Testament, and Bridget all having confirmed non-cis gender identities is amazing and ArcSys have said they want to add completely new characters to Strive still so we might yet get some more trans characters!! Fingers crossed ;^)

I'm really hopeful we'll get some more characters with confirmed non-hetero sexualities too. At the moment, I think we've only gotten Raven and Venom? I get they kinda wanna keep these ambiguous so people can have fun projecting/relating to them (& for shipping reasons, I guess) but so many of the characters are obviously not straight rofl. I need ArcSys to just come out and be like "yeah that homoerotic Sol/Ky art from 2005 was for real gay actually. they're both bi." Can you imagine a game where both of the main box art guys are LGBT lol

Other than Robo-Ky's like basic lore, I actually don't know him super well so I'll let someone else expand on that in the reblogs, if they'd like to.

Idk where else to put this but all of my thoughts come with Bonus DLC Thoughts™️ and it's kinda related to all this so I'll put it here, but I really genuinely love how ArcSys have been handling their LGBT, especially trans/nb, representation. Waaaayyyyy too often it boils down to being the ONLY aspect of a character's personality but with Bridget, Testament, and Baiken it's like idk the 5th most important part of their character? Most people probably don't even know about Baiken's whole "throwing away gender" thing. It's really refreshing, imo

[darthmaulification]

A/N: thinking about sugar daddy maul again, unfortunately. 😔 also, i’ve been meaning to announce two things but kept forgetting skjskasn:

1) i’m having an identity crisis and am testing out neopronouns. a while ago i did change my pronouns from she/her to ze/zer in my bio, but never officially recognized that until now. i’m not sure if it’ll be permanent or for sure, but for now ze/zer is what i’d like to be referred to as. 🥰💕

2) subsequently also a product of my identity crisis (💀) i’m thinking about changing my user to something else. idk when i’m gonna do it, but just a heads up. 👍

kiitos! 💗

content: sugar daddy shenanigans, lolz 💅🤪, suggestive, minor exhibitionism, implied dom/sub dynamic, daddy kink, hopefully gn!reader?, but reader is wearing a dress but tbh society has progressed past the need for gendered clothing

word count: 557

The party is grand, loud, and nearing a level of extravagance that would almost make you believe that Maul is the socialite he’s pretending to be. Of course, he isn’t, and instead he’s sat at his throne, chin in hand, glowering. A part of you wants to join the throes of people you’ve been watching, but the other part is completely content with where you are.

You’re sitting on Maul’s lap, hip pressed against his abdomen, your legs over his thighs sideways. The cool metal that starts at Maul’s mid thigh is cool against your bare skin, Maul having pushed up your dress in favor of having one of his hands beneath it. His palm is firm on your ass, fingers having slid underneath your panties, the pull at the elastic almost enough to make you shiver. It doesn’t help that his black leather gloves add delightful texture, coarse and rough on soft and smooth, the contrast deeply arousing.

He’s not quite doing anything, nothing that would be considered inappropriate for the setting, but that doesn’t mean that hand he has on you is any less tantalizing. For ages you’ve wanted to experimentally roll your hips, grind a little against him, because the growing warmth in your core is starting to cloud your mind. You want to feel that black leather in... deeper places.

But you don’t. When you had first sat down, Maul had leveled you with a molten glare and hissed, “Don’t move, or else you won’t be my good pet.”

And, Maker, did you want to be his good pet. The gold chain choker around your neck and its single ruby gem is tantamount to that.

“May I go get a drink, Daddy?” You ask softly, leaning in to rest your cheek against his shoulder, tenderly kissing the edge of an inky tattoo. Maul glances at you from out the corner of his eye, the indifferent scowl on his face not shifting in the slightest. He lifts his head from his palm and gestures with a nod.

“You may. Nothing with alcohol.” He replies, steely, his hand slipping out from under your underwear and dress-skirt. You swear he purposely drags his fingers over your soft skin, like he wants you to know that you’re losing his touch as you rise from his lap. As you find your footing, Maul grips your wrist.

“Remember this, my pet,” He starts, and that fiery gaze is back, the twin flames of his irises searing, “Go get your drink, then come back immediately. Your business is here on my lap, do you understand?”

Gods, you just want him to take you now. Nodding, you reply with the slightest quiver in your voice, “Yes, Daddy.”

Maul grins then, a wicked smirk that deepens the age lines on his face delectably. His hand releases your wrist, the action making you remember it was there at all. Maul sets his elbow on the armrest, his chin falling back into his palm, his gaze appraising and predatory. He motions to the room with a flick of his gloved hand.

“Well, run along, my dearest pet.” Maul purrs, and you watch as he shifts and spreads his thighs, planting his steel boots wide. The crotch of his pants pulls taut over his manhood. You tremble.

It’s the quickest you’ve ever gotten a drink.

[laundryandtaxes]

Hey I'm genuinely confused. You've been very open about getting a breast reduction to reduce dysphoria and it seems to have helped you. Isn't that also a surgery with complication risks on healthy tissue? Where is the line for you to be not alarmed about that vs being alarmed at cutting breasts off entirely? Not a rhetorical gotcha, I sincerely would like to understand where the line is or the reasoning behind the line?

I did, and it was incredibly helpful! I'm not opposed to interventions targeted at the alleviation of distress in and of itself, I just think that a sizeable portion of people who are seeking interventions for help with alleviating gender dysphoria are in a position where they are making decisions in a moment of general emotional crisis and that frankly an increasing number of people no longer see removing their breasts as not just a major medical intervention to be carefully weighed, but 1) on the one hand as a very casual body modification to help crystallize their identity, and 2) on the other as solving an actual problem rather than alleviating distress. I will address the second group first because I think it involves the most people who are categorically People Like Me, extremely gender nonconforming people experiencing distress at secondary sex characteristics and the social reaction to those characteristics. The question of what someone thinks they're consenting to very much changes whether they can give consent- if someone thinks the fact that they are an adult female person with normal, healthy breast development is the problem in and of itself, I don't think that person understands the medical procedure as medical procedure. This relates to the most major problem I had with how Plume was talking about HRT- not as a medical intervention with pros and cons to be weighed, but as something that provides one newfound access to the human being secretly locked away inside you. I think that's extremely dangerous thinking for people who are categorically experiencing a desire to be something other than what they are. In other words, if someone thinks that getting a mastectomy is going to actually fix the problem- that the problem itself is the fact that they have breasts- I don't think that's someone who's in a clear enough headspace to be considering major surgery, because in order to be making these decisions with a clear mind I think you have to understand fundamentally that your body is not actually the literal problem, and that there's not anything literally wrong with your body. I know multiple women who've had mastectomies- some of whom say themselves as women at the time of surgery, some of whom did not- and I know some who regret their surgery but I also know several who do not, including several women who were very aware that they were making a massive decision that was hopefully going to alleviate a specific form of distress they were experiencing. So there's one group of people that I worry is making this decision believing it will do something to them that it cannot do, and making the decision wishing they didn't have to make it.

There's another group of people, with whom I think I have a lot less in common though this group is also more generally varied than the first, who seem not to consider a mastectomy to be a major decision to make at all, which I think also baseline indicates that someone is perhaps not in a good place to be considering that intervention. If someone felt, really and truly and deeply, that they should have their arm amputated, that would be one thing, but it would be another if they also thought this was just an expensive and painful but ultimately minor decision that was of no real importance. Again, the problem is not that people should not take interventions to alleviate discomfort. But they should have an understanding of what the intervention can do, and its relative risks. There were many reasons I opted for a reduction over a mastectomy, which was very much also on the table, and frankly I think I'd likely have been a tiny bit happier with a mastectomy, though not as MUCH happier as I'd have guessed before surgery- but I understood what I was signing up for, I had a clear idea of what the surgery could accomplish for me and was hoping it would do that, I talked fairly extensively with my doctor about common complications and how to avoid them and what downsides I was looking at. And I made the decision roughly as an either/or. I knew anesthesia itself was dangerous, and that having never been subjected to it I couldn't know in advance if I'd react poorly, and I didn't want to have the fall back plan to operate on healthy tissue TWICE by later opting for a double mastectomy. I knew that doctors are relatively likely to undermedicate pain in black patients relative to other patients. If someone's top-surgery letter therapist was nodding along as Johanna Olson, for instance, said that if you regret your mastectomy you can just go get breasts later, I think that person's likely been robbed of a lot of opportunities to understand what they're looking at.

Building on that last bit, yes, I think that for one thing, the rate of very gender nonconforming female people who are so uncomfortable with looking female that we opt to have mastectomies is just baseline too high, that it cannot possibly be that THIS MANY of us have ALL ALONG been experiencing such massive distress that it would lead us to seek out one specific medical intervention to deal with that distress, although like I've said I do think that something you could call gender dysphoria is maybe quite common in extremely masculine lesbians and probably extremely masculine women more broadly. I went to college with several other very gender nonconforming female people, and by now none of them consider themselves women or lesbians anymore and several have had mastectomies. I don't buy that the rate of us that needs to be undergoing surgery or calling ourselves something other than women due to discomfort that could not be managed otherwise is literally 90%. And for another, I think that the prevalence of chest dysphoria so severe it apparently merits surgical intervention among very masculine female people, and the availability of the medical procedure as a dysphoria alleviating tool, have combined such that those of us who are experiencing this form of discomfort are more likely to see surgery as a solution to our problem because we are being constantly subjected to a barrage of messages that that's the case. The existence of the procedure, and the widespread understanding that it's an option for dysphoric people to take, I think inherently creates more demand for the intervention. But also at the bottom of all of this is that I'm beginning to realize more and more that doctors are just abdicating a lot of responsibility wrt the way they're "treating" gender dysphoria, right down to the fact that it's difficult to even find therapists who will work on dysphoria in the same way they'd work on other forms of emotional distress. All of this is in the context of the fact that we are living in a culture that sees having breasts as inherently in opposition to being a masculine person, which is a massively coercive force in and of itself imo and it's the force I think puts us in this position at all, which is one I wish we weren't in to begin with, of being this level of uncomfortable in our bodies. So I'm not anti-intervention, even including some surgical interventions although I don't think all surgeries someone could ask for are a ethical to attempt, I'm frustrated at the sheer lack of options for ways to manage this distress without resorting to surgery, and frustrated at the fact that discussing this publicly is made very difficult by having to talk at the same time about identity.

[thejsorcerer]

hello again... sorry to come back with another questiom but your last answer really helped me out...

is it.. normal to feel guilt for being aro and/or ace in some way? like... i see beautiful and handsome anf charming women in relationships with eachother and. everything in me craves that kind of love and bond like nothing else (not me realising I'm most likely a lesbian in the middle of writing this ask) but the thought of anyone approaching me with it in real life scares me.

part of me thinks i just dont trust anyone to give them a chance, or its some weird form of internalised lesbophobia... but i just... the thought of having a wife, and being a wife to my wife fills my body with auch warmth and want and bliss... but in reality...

i dont know... and i feel bad because i dont... sorry if this is alot but any advice would really be appreciated. thank you 💫

tw // internalized aphobia, internalized homophobia, religious trauma.

No need to apologize, I'm always open to listen and to help with what I can 🥺❤.

I think this is something important to disccuss bc even if no one talks about it, I believe it's a common feeling between aros and/or aces. Personally, I've also felt this way and I bet if we ask, many more aspecs have felt it too. Wanting a relationship, a companion or partner to take care of and be affectionate with... but feeling discouraged that you'll never get to experience that bc you don't feel romantic/sexual attraction.

You don't have to feel guilty for being aro/ace... you didn't choose to be aspec. You just are. You didn't choose to feel this way so, how can you feel guilty for things you can't change? 👀

I think we've all seen people in relationships and wanted that too... but deep down we know we won't have that bc we do not experience romantic / sexual attraction. Or we won't experience a relationship, at least not in the same way, which is the point I want to make. You CAN be aromantic/asexual and still desire a relationship. You CAN have a relationship (romantic, sexual, queerplatonic, however you want to label it) and it doesn't make you any less aro / ace 💚💜.

"The thought of anyone approaching me irl scares me."

I've felt this way too. The mere idea of someone (regardless of their gender) approaching me and asking me out, triggers my fight or flight response and really makes me anxious. First, bc I don't feel the same way about that person, chances are I don't like you that way and second, bc it sucks to say no and "break someone's heart," you know? But I also remind myself that I won't FORCE myself to say yes and perform romance, perfom something I am not feeling for this person...

So I understand your feeling!

It may also mean you're somewhere in the aro spectrum and the thought of dating someone you don't feel attracted to is not appealing, but if it were someone you shared a bond with or connected emotionally with first, could make you say yes. (See terms like demiromantic, grayromantic if you're interested.)

Either way, please know this is a very common aromantic experience; you're not alone in this 🥺💚.

"the thought of having a wife and being a wife fills my body with warmth and bliss but in reality... I don't know."

story of my life HAHAHA. Let me explain: for a long time, after accepting I'm aro, I thought I was romance repulsed & this was because the idea of marrying and dating a man, kissing, being romantic and affectionate with one, made me super uncomfortable and I knew I had never felt attracted to one so I was obviously aro. Emphasis on "a man" 👀.

After dismantling the internalized homophobia I'd live with, due to religious indoctrination; I was able to ask myself "do I like girls?" (which had been a recurring identity crisis I'd had but ignored in the past). I knew I was asexual by then, so I was wondering if I was really aromantic or simply homoromantic. And during this questioning is that I understood I really was arospec (probably demiromantic, still don't know. Aromantic Spectrum! 🥰) but still lesbian oriented & not romance repulsed.

I came to terms with being romance indifferent/favorable. I do want a relationship (romantic or ambiguously so) but it's not a priority of mine. It's not something I NEED but something I would consider if someone I became emotionally close with asked for. I hope all of this made sense 🤍.

My point is that I also desire a companion, a wife (that would be lovely), & yes, it is something I've fantasized about. But I know that because I'm arospec, romantic feelings don't come easy to me & I seriously doubt I'll ever feel that way about someone, but the future is unpredictable. And I try not to overthink it. If it happens, it happens. But I've also come to terms with being by myself and loving my own companionship too 💘.

I have accepted that a partner isn't a priority of mine and that I don't need a romantic relationship, but it is something I would consider if given a chance.

In conclusion....

you can be aro/ace and desire a companion. you can be aro/ace and have a relationship (romantic-ish) & you're still part of these communities 💚💜